This & That Within.

just a little late

2010-08-04T23:28:00.003+08:00

we see many people we just look and we see and see and see.

i just cant live a life like them.
friends but backstabbers.
love but backstabbers.
like a family but backstabbers.
like they all found a friend but maybe its a foe.

and sometimes we misinterpret.
we view a different description.
we should have kept it open.
we should just stop judging.
we should just be sincere.

we shoud not be lost and insecure.

pleasant, but not so pleasant after all.

2010-07-21T23:26:00.000+08:00

its tears to the eyes sometimes.
you can say, overwhelming of proud.
and in pride i must say, we all grow.
and what i couldnt see 3 years ago.
i see it all so clearly now.
fret not and no point dwelling.
like i said, we all grow.

at times, we change.
a very effective yet undecisive process.
change for the better, change for the worst.
who knows?
maybe after years we knew somebody,
we might not really know the person at all.
people reminisce on the bad side.
what about the good ones?

so i do whats best.
what i think is good.
what i think is right.
what i think is true.
but thats what i think.
what do you think?

he's got my eyes on teevee.

2010-07-20T23:28:00.002+08:00

Dearly Dave Sompie

also called

Dirly Idol

My Favourite Boy.

drop dead down.

2010-07-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

it brought mind whirling.
feels like up, up and away.
and when it goes down, it backs up again.
like it was a first time and very scary.
building up enough to fight it off like no other.
even when it came in, it came out back.
i felt dizzy and wild.
i should never let myself in again.
theres always trust for ownself, no matter what.

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

2010-07-15T23:32:00.001+08:00

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

learn to live life.

2010-07-08T23:14:00.003+08:00

people dont really capture the gratitude of living.
it takes time to finally realise we are so fortunate.
we are not disabled and neither are we in a bad living condition.
other humans have to sell their kidney to distinguish their family from poverty.
while some beg on streets, some sell their child and some, they just gave up.
and we? we are still learning how to survive.

we come across many good heartfelt things on Earth.
but what is beautiful is when we have a supportive family.
whats beautiful is when a group of friends hang out together and laugh.
whats beautiful is when you have friends you can trust and count on in anything.
whats beautiful is when you have a bestfriend, just like i do.
whats beautiful is good grades after hard work.
whats beautiful is the journey before a failed mission.
whats beautiful is your in good health and you love your body.
whats beautiful is when youre at peace with a clear mind and soul.
whats beautiful is a cooling shower full of soap and bubbles.
whats beautiful is when your customer smiles back at you.
whats beautiful is a good meal followed with a loud BURP.
whats beautiful is curling up with a good movie or a romance/thriller novel.
whats beautiful is you shop till you drop a little. heh.
and beautiful is the love from Jamal as well.

dan janganlah kita lupa kepada yang paling indah iaitu kesempurnaan dan keberkatan daripada Allah s.w.t...

ungkapan.

2010-07-05T23:56:00.001+08:00

dia kata, cintaku padamu seluas langit...

ALL BACK AND NEW. ceh.

2010-07-02T00:03:00.002+08:00

yes yes i agree, its collecting dust over here.
but please dont shut me down.
and with solely gratitude im thankful im still able to update it again!

and what shall i say.
TERM TESTS ARE OVER!!!
Praises be to God that i passed all.
Building Sensors and Actuators : 47/50
Networking Fundamentals : 29/40
Business Continuity Management : 31/50
Energy Audit : 35/50

And of course to celebrate it off, TERM BREAK WAS EVEN BETTER!
Started off with kite flying on the last day of papers!

Monday to Wednesday : Next up was Dbl6 BBQ Pit at East Coast, it was superb i tell you!

Wednesday : And then i met Jamal for kite fying again at Sengkang!

Thursday : Work at Hilton and Jamal gave me a surprise visit with kuih tart for Mum!

Friday : Played tennis with Sufian and Shak and i vomitted twice. Luckily Baby took care of me till night.

Saturday & Sunday : REST! and then off to Kak Mai's Wedding!

Monday : YOG training with Dbl 6 and Jamal fetch me up to school after lunch.

Tuesday : Badminton at school with Yan and Jamal. Then Hafeez joined us for dinner and Babyboy watched The A-Team with me at the movies!

Wednesday : WORK AT HILTON. FLOOD. tsk.

Thursday : Met Jamal and watched The Karate Kid then off to East Coast! Sleepover Bestfriend's house. DOUBLE HAPPINESS PE!

Friday : Work at TM then met Firdaus at night to lepak.

Saturday : Parkway with Rin and Shazana!

Sunday : Kenduri at Mama's house.

Then when school started, it was better (in many bad ways) as it means more school work/projects and what nots.

So for now, Im really totally absolutely grateful for all the good things that happened to me. Infact i see Jamal and i see myself together as well. Even though the tough gets going sometimes but i guess its all the love and trust between us that really get us moving and happy. Its the littlest things we do for each other and the feelings that is so pure and secure. I just wanna say Happy 7th Months but well of course we're still dating and nevertheless gonna be busy with alot of school stuffs and YOG. I AM SO DEAAAAADDDDD. Gonna post pictures soon people!

let our hearts ignite

2010-05-08T00:49:00.002+08:00

the human race is weird.
the love and feelings shared between humans are even wierder.
we all expect too much from each other.
or we all try not to expect anything at all.
but the end results, we still get hurt, in any way or another, little or a lot.
sometimes we hope.
and then even hope cheated on us.
sometimes we wish.
but not all of it came true.
sometimes we try.
but trying is not good enough.
they say doing it is better.
nevertheless, we never stop praying.
and we tend to believe in certain things that are out of sorts.
and thats the essence in life.

and time is a very crucial factor.
not many realise it, but it is to me.
especially when plans becomes disaster.
especially when it matters.
especially when it involves not only me.
we got to keep up with time.
its chasing us away.
its draining us much more than we know.

i cant wait for bestfriend to come back from Vietsz.
the FIRST thing i want to do is to cry in her arms.
theres so many things i wanna tell you Dear Fizah.

we dont always.

2010-04-29T23:47:00.003+08:00

Viona & Myself.

Sufian!

workplace is closing down tomorrow.

30th April 2010.

who would have known the time have finally come and it certainly is saddening.

2 and a half years gone just like that.

and im left with 3 options.

1) Work and slog my ass of at TM.

2) Transfer myself to Haagen Dazs Hilton.

3) Quit, get a new job, start afresh.

and each one of this contains risks i cant hold.

i always thought i was stronger.
infact i see myself as someone who can take many things in one flight.
but i see my energy draining away sometimes i couldnt regain it back.
who would have known that loving you is like an energy?
when we're out of our league, my energy burst away.
when we're deeply together, you make me high inside.
& at all times, it should be about learning, giving, taking and of course, loving.
but time is an issue.
an issue that we can never control.
like what you said, different paths of ours, the situations, commitments.
so what? are we gonna give it up?
or are we gonna give it a go?
we are far from having this dream of ours.
its far enough to make me want to stop dreaming.
and in some ways it hurts.
but im tired of searching when ive found you.
6 months going good and maybe if there is, 6 years.
and some nights, i want to make it without you.
and if i could, and i know i can, i would like to fall in love with you again.
& i thank Allah for everything he have given me.

triple oh no.

2010-04-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

where do i start?

the first week of school had been heart wrenching, happy, disappointment, hectic and sweet all at once.

school just started and oh no, double6 is like abit off parted!

but then like always, after school activities was fun!

and as usual, Jamal made my week when we went out on Friday!

and i cried my eyes out on Sunday, which seems like the last day of work in Haagen Dazs.

and i miss my bestfriend very much!

do good things last?

2010-04-12T22:47:00.003+08:00

we all want something else, we all want something we can't have.
but sometimes, i'm sure of what i want.
at other times, everything comes like a fuzzy blur.
trust me, it always left me insecure.
insecure about my job, my plans, my feelings, my doubts.
sometimes, i wish i could be in control of these things.
but then we all can't have it all.
i wonder if what i'm doing is not enough for the other party.
i wonder if i'm asking too much from anybody.
i wonder if i could be in someone's else shoes and feel him/her.
we all wonder, we all wish we could give it another try.
but then little did we know, we are not Heroes.
we dont do tv shows and lead an abnormal life.
i don't. so do you.

i fret not knowing the truth.
but sometimes yet again, not knowing could be better.
while knowing gets you off your head when you need to overcome it.
knowing means you need to deal with it.
deal with the feelings and the consequences of your actions, or usually, someone's else actions.
knowing means it puts you in a spot.
i wish i could ravish on a fine spot to release my thoughts.
i don't know how to say.

this is called knowing, but speechless.
even a word, any word, doesn't seem to acknowledge your symphony of disappointment, or even sadness.
but then speechless doesn't mean you can't feel anything.
i just realised just now that i could cry in public, i mean like a crowded place, like Orchard.
i admit my vulnerability, in circumstances like this.
it shows how much sometimes you don't trust me and my capacity of emotions.
but what am i to say when things have happened?
oh we all know for sure that i am strong enough.
i brush away and at that point of time, i just couldn't expect anything from you at all.
i may not be prepared but then someday maybe.

and when we think what we done is enough, we all need to think again.
we always need to adjust to impromptu events.
we can't always be dependent on what we have.
what if we lose it suddenly?
that's when readiness and willingness to accept comes to reality.
we don't live in fairytales.
not everything turns out just like how perfect we want it to be.
not everything is a happy ending.
we need to keep on improving, learning and best of all, permit to our mistakes.
that is the journey of success.

hopefully someday when everything is in good condition,
when i get all the fullest support,
when i am ready for a battle,
when i can run faster than my current speed,
when my heartbeat doesn't fake me,
when my actions are of righteous,
i might be the happiest lady as to date.

but then sometimes i think, i'm still too young.
and then, there's always a "sometimes" to ask for.

would you?

2010-04-10T20:35:00.003+08:00

Stranded in this spooky town

Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down

This floor is crackling cold, she took my heart, i think she took my soul

With the moon i run far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven up by the strangle of vein, showing no mercy i do it again

Open up your eye,you keep on crying baby, i'll bleed you dry

Skies they blink at me, i see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer

You shimmy shook my bone, leaving me stranded all in love on my own

Do you think of me? Where am i now? Baby where do i sleep?

Feel so good but i'm old, 2000 years of chasing taking its toll

And it's coming closer

Kings of Leon - Closer.

would you still be the same person i used to know?

would you still be there for me in terms of need in time to come?

would you still assure me with your love and care?

would you still carress my head when i need some physical touch?

would you still accept me for who i am?

would you still sacrifice and meet me halfway in agreements?

would you?

nothing's wrong, nothing's right.

2010-04-05T00:13:00.006+08:00

whats the definition of wrong?
like what shak always say, HOLY GUACAMOLE!
2 weeks and school is starting!

Viona & Cassandra Farewell Meet-up!

Poly Mates Out!

i actually have more outings but its okay as i've been slogging my ass out for work at both HD CSQ and HD Hilton.

trust me, i was elated and shocked when Kak Yani wants me to transfer to HD Hilton.

I ENJOY WORKING THERE. i really do. even if its blardy bitch tiring.

its the experience i guess. the customers, the people.

IF sufian or irsyad is working at there(or maybe there are malay boys or girls working there too), MAYBE i might consider transferring. :)

i saw the handover just now. tell me why i must be crying. it hurts, quite alot.

to see everything, every corner, every person not feeling, not being like what we used to when the shop was doing better.

how much is it gonna suffer? and who are we to stop this enduring?

and i asked myself, how much have i learnt from here? what have i gained?

what have i achieved? who have i trust?

and it all boils down to 3 ways.

give it up, work it out or stay put. and neither way is on my side right now.

oh God, give me the strength to carry on with the best way out of this.

and i guess life is complete with all the good people around. it really do.

for what its worth, i love you two deeply!

2010-04-01T23:08:00.005+08:00

Bestfriend's departure to Vietnam today.

2 mths without you my dear.

please take good care!

& HURRY COME BACK WILL YOU, FIZAHHHHH!!!???

I MISS YOU ALREADY!!!

" He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there is always one guy that is perfect for you. "

i cant tell you how much your presence have been a wonder.

you're like a saviour, a guardian angel, the best male friend.

but i cant expect much, not now.

maybe someday, somehow.

& for how long as i can hold, i will.

keeping up with the motions.

2010-03-18T00:46:00.004+08:00

everybody thinks you're well.
everybody thinks i'm ill.
watching me fall apart.
falling under your spell.

but you're fooling yourself, you're fooling yourself.
cause you say you love me.
and then you do it again, you do it again.
and you say you're sorry.
and then you do it again, you do it again.
and again, and again, and again, and again.

Re-offender - Travis.

i think your actions wander you off in a state i couldnt save, not for now. but then again, i could not take a step away. being humble explains it all. at the very beginning, it wasnt even together officially. what do you think?

i think sometimes people dont think. they just do.

we all need a shoulder to lean on.

2010-03-17T01:29:00.005+08:00

now ask me why didnt i get a newer model?

oh well, the bread wasnt enough for the butter, you get me?

and half of Dbl6 to Sufian's Sis Sayang Wedding!

& the girls were at my place for small dinner and a bunch of laughter!

yes i get jealous.
dont you?
you will, when you dont have the things that others have.
you will, when you dont have enough to own it.
you will, when you lose hope in getting it.
nonetheless, that's your life. you gotta live with it.
how lucky. how damn effing lucky some people are.
but then, when it comes back to you,
you dont seem to see how lucky you are too.
i am, in any way or another.
oh, i think you're just fooling yourself.

on the contrary, i think it all ends up from one's heart.
if the heart is good, good shall befall.
and of course, vice versa.
but what if, what if one day.
you give it all and got nothing in return?
it should be from the beginning, that you shouldnt hope for anything in return.
give. give all you want, but only sincerely.
then you shall get the rewards.

but the rewards might not be satisfying. not at all.
it feels like my 2 years plus job.
what do i get in return?
not even senior crew. not even more than a day schedule per week.
but it have already become a part of me.
a part where its hard to release.
a part where its skills and knowledge are at my fingertips.
a part when even scooping icecream becomes an aptitude.
it becomes a practice.
i think its time i settle down and think of a new beginning.
or i save this, and restart afresh.
either way, im not losing it, im not losing this grip.

and neither am i losing my touch on you, babylove.

no, i must not show.

2010-03-13T00:22:00.002+08:00

what a busy week!

parkway with azil!

work at HD Hilton with Kat!

IT Fair with Jamal!

i see, so this is what happens when a priority loses its position.

i know, i know. i should be understanding.

little did you know, i really dont know how to react.

i mean, i can understand. i can give in, yes i can.

i just thought, hey didnt YOU just planned this thing just now?

and when i told the other beloved one.

he didnt even bother to reply.

i'm not the least bit angry.

disappointed? yes.

sad? yes.

maybe i thought the least you two most important person could do is to ask me.

so these are the heartfelt sacrifices of a friendship.

so this is what happen when things get serious, it gets even more complicated.

good & bad in so many ways.

2010-03-08T00:36:00.003+08:00

Sunday 07/03/2010.
so i had a good day at work.
busy? yes.
happy? yes.
apparently, sufian came over at 1 to do some FOC cleaning. (yeay!)
and then irsyad came at 2pm, an hour earlier to his shift. (double yeay!)
and of course im working with viona. (triple yeay!)
obviously helen came to work with a black face, complaining she doesnt have a good sleep last night, she sleep less hours, blablabla...
go get a life, you china maplek. bug off us!

shop like shopping!

fake red apples.

rows of chocolates! yummy!

after work, myself and sufian went to find badminton rackets for a "good investment" (by yan's talking), then i suggested Giant Tampines have better variety than NTUC. so off we go!

we were obviously shopping to our heart's content. and now my pocket is pinching me!

i need to save up for IT Fair next week, REMEMBER HASLINA?! oh gosh there goes my kachingssssss today!

i tell you sometimes i feel like starting all over.

sometimes its like giving up.

at times its like amber.

it will turn to red.

but the light red still turns to green.

i watch myself go.

oh we can all swim with good fins.

but we should never go low.

look into your heart & you'll find love.

2010-03-05T23:42:00.003+08:00

AND IM BACK FROM EXAMS!

WOOHOO. TRUST ME. THE FEELING IS SUPER GOOD!

OH ALLAH S.W.T, PLEASE LET ME PASS IT ALL. INSYAALLAH.

Finally, Kak Lyz's wedding is over!

I hope you will always be blessed with good wealth, health and great happiness along with Abg Nizam.

Had a good enjoyment with poly mates on the last day of exams!

And of course i need to meet Dearest Jamal after a week of not seeing him!

Obviously, work has been sucky - for we all know the reasons why.

I NEED A NEW JOB! ANYBODY? RECOMMENDATIONS!? hehehe.

Next Week Plan :

Monday - Find new job!

Tuesday - Work at Hilton in the morning till late evening. Off to dinner with HD people!

Wednesday - Shazie & Azil's sleepover at my house!

Thursday - IT Fair with Jamal and sleepover at Fizah's crib!

Friday - Rest i guess.

Saturday - Madrasah!

Sunday - Work at CS HD.

Hopefully everythings gonna go according to plan.

And PLEASEEEEE GET WELL SOON MY DARLING BABY!

and the drugs wont work, it just make you worst.

2010-02-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

i never asked for this to happen.
and so thats why i want.
i wanted so much to let's just take a step back.
appreciate what we have now.
because we might never know who will be gone later.
but it's either this step back.
or i tell you, this game is going nowhere.
and it's either this step back.
or i will be back to basics.
and it's either this step back.
so that everything is fine and good.

and we all knew what a great bestfriend you are.
but you never realised how you react.

OKAY PEOPLE.
ONE MORE WEEK TO EXAMS.
FINGERS CROSSED.
PRAY HARD.
LETS ALL PERSEVERE AND DO WELL.

dont leave me high, dont leave me dry

2010-01-29T23:26:00.006+08:00

Few of the best i've ever had.

Makes every single day worth waking up for.

walking in the sun

2010-01-24T22:59:00.002+08:00

once again, when did i last blog?
and then again, who cares?

oh well.
it's been such a really awesome and frantic ride these past few weeks.
let's start.

School.
hectic. with quizzes and lab tests and whatnots.
and hopefully one day, DOUBLE SIX will make it as a design. hahaha.
we are the clan man.
whats school without all these people? nyeh.

Work.
that blardy maplek peh siglap took our remaining chairs and tables.
so that makes my outlet to have only 5 dine in sofas and tables.
i mean, CMON. why cant you people JUST LEAVE MY HD CSQ ALONE?
you people keep blabbering on our low sales.
YOU COME DOWN AND WORK AH IF LIKE THAT.
you see how every day, every night we suffer for sales.
knowing that the mall doesnt contain that many shoppers.
you people should feel our misery.
if you wanna open HD TM, CLOSE DOWN HD CSQ.
dont be too stupid and have two outlets at two malls which are just beside each other.
YOU JOLLY WELL WILL KNOW THAT THE OTHER OUTLET WONT DO AS GOOD.
you people and brush off your ass on your jobs and paper work at office.
but dont ever criticise HD CSQ.
it was a successful outlet ONCE.
you are the ones who made it fall.
so if HD CSQ is not doing well, you people should think of ways to save it.
not just leave it like that.
WHAT ABOUT ME, US, THE SUPER PEOPLE, THE STAFFS WHO HAVE WORKED AND SLUGGED IT OUT ALL THESE WHILE?!
have you people ever thought of what we feel to see this workplace which we feels like our second home just go down like that?
you people are just trying too hard and being irresponsible.
you people made me dont wanna go to work.

and of course, i have always enjoy every single time with you Mr J.
thank you for letting me see whats worth it all.
thank you for bringing me around and let me seep in those sceneries.
thank you for letting me leave my memories.
thank you for teaching me to grow.
and lastly, thank you for always being there, even for the slightest things.

Midnight Bottle.

2010-01-11T01:54:00.010+08:00

my two weeks of school holidays were mostly packed!
i didnt touch any of my school stuffs but off to work and enjoy!
and to end it all was a quick trip to Pahang with Bestfriend and family for four days!
back to school and it feels very cranky aye.
BUCK UP, WAKE UP HASLINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Outing, People!

Happy 25th Jamal!

Happy Birthday Darling Firah!

i love you okay!

My bestfriend is my other half.

My girls complete every piece of me.

My boys stand by me.

My poly mates made every weekday a happy day.

My every other outside friends are always there.

And i thank God for all the good people that surrounds me.

and yes, 2010 felt nothing at all.

2009 was rough and edgy but still left an etch of what seemed one of the good years.

i kept thinking, what have i done for the past 19 years of my life?

did i waste it?

did i cherish it?

did i make full good use of it?

i just wish for good health and wealth and a whole lot of happiness in my life and everyone else that i know of.

the world is beautiful, love deeply the Most Merciful, exhale fresh air in full.

i realised, i am never alone.

and thank you.

because ever since you came,

you insured something ive kept out of myself for a year.

you showed me that life has more to what i have now.

you made me feel secured whenever im with you.

you let me lose myself and back up on me.

you taught me how to make things work.

and the best of all,

you instill a drive in me that will work even if one day we fall apart.

IM SO SCARED OF MY ENDOSCOPY TEST LATER AT 10 AM.

i cant sleep at all.
MAPLEK.

you know it's better that way.

2010-01-04T23:15:00.002+08:00

YOU MAKE PROVING SEEMS SO DIFFICULT.

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong.
Black and white didn't fit you and all along.
You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything.
That I need just to make it and I can see that.

i think we should wake up right on time.

2010-01-02T01:51:00.000+08:00

Secrets - One Republic.

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
'Til all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insinceres
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insinceres
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm 'a tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insinceres
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
Sick of all the insinceres
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

i saw reminisces of yours.
that's why i took a step back.
is this what you call jealousy?
i wonder.

i pulled myself again.
the feelings drowned the pain.
indeed i feel the strain.
especially when it starts to rain.

i looked at my watch.
tick tock tick tock.
even a fine paper will get a blotch.
when someone voice their mock.

i dont understand why it falls this way.

spin me faster like a kaleidoscope.

2009-12-15T01:52:00.004+08:00

i would if i could.

stop this nonsensical period where you thugged your tee off and act smartly.
it doesnt work this way, not even tomorrow, what not today.
and we slot it off like there was no agreement.
and well of course we doesnt have one.
and when being asked becomes an issue,
i thugged back, but not at you.

if another chapter was to start.
it have to start smart.
ask me again why?
because lessons learnt but i still wanna try.
numbers remains as it is.
dont rush aye bro.

and if i get to see you again.
unexpected places, different people, always on fnb.
i could try to find out.
and yet again, no.
come again, maybe this time.
give me your name.
give me something to start with.
i could make hot cafe mocha for you.

and yeah we're going down.

2009-12-04T02:08:00.003+08:00

i tell you, it's been a really rough week.
one by one it came on.
some are truly down, and some made my day.

Ezerie, Lutfi and Fizah.
goodbye to ezerie cos he's gonna go for NS!
and i had an awesome time with them!
it feels much more happier now, trust me.

and a story i have to share :

your assumption gets way off board.
comfortability becomes an issue.
you throw it off with a nod.
and with stares your friends sued.
you cant just say.
when you expressed actions.
you cant just be at bay.
when you left the friction.
i need you to realise.
you were at fault.
it meets more than the eyes.
but you were not told.

i'm gonna be busy for term tests people.
play hard and study smart aye!

and then i run.

2009-11-25T14:11:00.004+08:00

what do you say?
what's left for you to say?
i own my say.
i have much more to say.

Then i run - mew

Mew - Then I Run.

Sleeping, I saw you in a dream
Hey, I'm feeling kinda sick these days
I come along, I smell the air
I hear them smile and I'm beside me
My head feels light and so are theirs
Frames are molded once again
I feel it come, I go outside
And I lay down in the cool grass
When I look up it isn't there,
But you can sense it in the evening

And then I run, and then I run
And then I run, and then I run
And then I run, and then I run

I guess I should have seen them coming
I guess I should have seen them
I should have seen them

be my baby

2009-11-23T22:36:00.004+08:00

21st November.

Who would have thought i could relive a moment i once had before?
And it was good to begin with.
A tingling of shy and a mix of adventure.
It wasnt even close to what i expected.
Now thats what i call a celebration after a year of being of no attachment.
Even though it wasnt a celebration even in the slightest bit.
And the feeling lingers now.

dont come again

2009-11-20T12:59:00.001+08:00

have you ever burp like there's no tomorrow?
trust me, it hurts.
nyahahaha.
gastric gastric kill yourself.
dont let me go down with you.

so mild. fuck it.

2009-11-18T23:29:00.006+08:00

i wanna LAUGH on a bed full of sunflowers.

CCN DAY WAS LIKE HAVOC PEH MAPLEK.
and thanks to all the people who actually gave me freeee stuffs!
CCN DAY should be called FREE LOADER DAY for me aye! hehehe.

Met up with my girls last week Monday!

And last last Friday, Azil and myself didnt know what to do.

So end up after lunch we went to MUSTAFA CENTRE! hahaha.

and as we walked pass by, we saw this shop.

ABC CHEAPEST STORE IN SINGAPORE.
like FOUR TIMES lahhhhhh!

and we walked all the way from Mustafa to Suntec.

sappppppp, berpeluh! haha.

Chapter One.

6 days come and went.

with little talks you start to mend.

you gave tensed face to the cure.

i cant thank you much more.

Chapter Two.

with every touch.

you lurch as much.

all i can but to assume.

i think im scared.

because your actions meant much.

but now it cant touch.

withdraw from those.

before i get worse.

Chapter Three.

even hello seems rotten.

we avoid looking at each others eye inside the bus.

you remembered but you try as if you dont.

and you say you cant fall the same way twice.

let's end this chapter now.

what do you say?

egos in my chapters.

2009-11-10T00:35:00.002+08:00

chapter one.

i let pictures deceived me.
even though deep down i wanted to go a little further.
it's the same old excuse.
im sorry.
it's my bad.
and that makes you ease your stay.
havent seen you since then.
and i wish with my small eyes i could, for the very first time.
one week is not enough, not enough.

chapter two.

and oh what a nice visit it was.
my heart was in a beatbox routine altogether.
my fingers shake in excitement.
my face blush in embarrassment.
my eyes linger to see more.
you dressed up like no other.
and thank you was all you seem to say.
and your smile made my day.

chapter three.

caught up yet again.
and this time it doesnt seem to work.
you forgot,
you were the one who left first.
you forgot,
you were the one who didnt answer.
and yet again, it really doesnt matter.
not anymore.

see. i hate all these.
it's trying to become an issue.
can we just alter our ego away and get the good things going?
you get me?

we are the only ones we are running from.

2009-11-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna work my ass off so that i can forget.

i know what i love.

2009-11-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

if my hair is like this everyday,

i'm the most happiest girl in the world.

woohoo!

i love my bestfriend.
i love my kickass girlfriends.

i love my ite mates.

i love my poly aye them people.

i love my colleagues at icecream palace.

i love my other outside friends.
i love the way you speak french even though i know its wrong.

biarkan semua menghilang menjauh.

2009-11-03T00:24:00.005+08:00

it's too late for misconceptions.

and like a see-saw,

there's room for improvement.

but even with flaws,

we de-breed the deception.

have you ever wonder how was it like for me?

you cant come back and say hey again.

it doesnt start from the very same line.

i had my share and you had yours.

why not leave it that way?

and as people (or you) may have asked again,

i would say thanks for asking.

but i dont have one, do i?

and does it even matter?

but then,

if your answer is no, can i change your mind?

okay wait.

actually aku tak paham ape aku tulis.

agh.

syndicate meets everyone.

2009-11-01T01:03:00.008+08:00

"Syndicate"

Halfway around the world
Lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down
First thing that arises in your mind while you awake
Is bending you til you break
Let me hold you now

Baby close your eyes
Don't open til the morning light
Baby don't forget
You haven't lost it all yet

Don't know what your made of
Til the one thing that you want
To come in with the dawn and suddenly changes
Monday, syndicate meets everyone the same
But all we've lost to the flame
Listen to me now

Baby close your eyes
Don't open til the morning light
Don't ever forget
We haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure
Is all that we are fighting for
Baby don't forget
We haven't lost it all yet

Someday when this is over
We may still have no answer
For now it's when I hold ya
We are closer, we are closer
We are closer, we are closer

Baby close your eyes
Don't open til the morning light
Don't ever forget
We haven't lost it all yet
And all we know for sure
Is all that we are fighting for
Baby don't forget
We haven't lost it all yet

We are closer
We are closer
(We haven't lost it all yet)
Now we are closer
(We haven't lost it all yet)
We are closer

dedicated to afeeq.
you must be stronger than this.
i know theres a way out somewhere. :)

HAD A SUPERB TIME WITH BESTFRIEND !

and yah finally meet ali again. and dia bawa mizeeee. like errrrrr okay. haha.

And all i ever need was all i ever want.

And i know my want is a need.

And i want it to be one.

And i set a limit.

likewise, over again.

2009-10-25T23:29:00.005+08:00

my 2 months holidays was supppperrrrrrbbbbbbb!
watch teevee, play computer games, work my ass off, lepak, jog, go out. what else? :)

okay i feel like buying this dress.

and sentosaaaaaaa, here we comeeeeee!

along with colleagues.

HD TM AND CS.

and yes yes i cant wait for HD TM AND CS CHALET on 13-15 november!

cos it's freeeeeee. woohoo.

okay school have been such an asssss.

i end like 5, 7, 6, 6, 12 from monday to friday.

which left me friday to catch up with my girls.

saturday for madrasah and other what nots.

and sunday morning for work.

and monday back to school. sucky enough? haha.

so everyone, PLEASE SET A DATE WITH ME.

you see, i'm forever that busywoman of yours. heeeee.

and ah lalalalala life has been good, trust me.

ah maybe because i have the bestest bestfriend, the great girls, the best boys, the fun clique at school, the awesome colleagues at work and a homely family.

and people kept asking WHY HAVENT I HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

so the answer will be, WHY NOT? GO FIGURE.

People to meet up soooooon! :

1) FIZAHHHHH! tues and thurs okay!

2) MY G-GIRLS! like meet up soon ramai2.

3) MICHELLE SITOH. awwwww what a bitch. hehehe.

4) DANIAL AZIZ and other them B-Boys!

5) ZURAIMI aka REMY DRAGON MATREP! kita destress yok!

6) SYARIFAH NURDIQA! set time dgn has la fahhhh!
7) AZRI BIN AZIZ!!! i miss you so much... you know!

that's all folks.

another week of school will pass again.

HAPPY BACK TO SCHOOL COOL MOOL POOL MAPLEK NOT COOL. :)

when i have the answer, but i wont say it

2009-10-19T00:01:00.002+08:00

17 October 2008.
i was the most happiest girl that day.
a year later, i hoped i wasnt happy on that day.

18 October 2008.
wrote a note saying thank you and hoping i could vanish your death sentence from my thoughts.
a year later, i still do remember of you sometimes.

and as the day goes by, i started to wonder. whats really like to have a life without any responsibilities. it's like as if you can do whatever you want. no rules to follow, no time to hold and no charge on sentenced. funny isnt it?

and as i see myself, busy with school which is starting like in a few hours times and work, i mirrored myself with such upholding pride that i know there so are many things people need me to do so as to live up to their expectations.

and when people start to supervise and questionise, i got scared because i might not answer, i might break down halfway or i could just ignore every single remark. but i couldnt, right?

and as much as others encouragement and support comes by, its me.
it's so hard.
but i'll live by.

oh if only, if only.

2009-10-12T00:35:00.003+08:00

PEACE.

scared to let go of what i have now.

hard to adapt to new situations.

so i asked myself as to how.

with everyone else perceptions.

& i seek of what's left to hold.

so bear in mind of the heart of soul.

& the stories are left untold.

so there goes the words of foul.

airway, block away.

let me breathe.

sickness, go away.

let me breathe.

let me live.

To Live This Facade And Smile

2009-10-07T23:02:00.005+08:00

Happy Raya People!
Some picture clicks of out with Girlfriends and ITE mates.

" biar terus ku berlari dan lari,

waktu yang sama ku mencari,

jalan keluar dari mimpi ini..."

and together, with many reasons why, i found myself done.

we are the only ones we are running from.

2009-10-01T00:52:00.006+08:00

so Raya comes and goes.

and as usual, th 11 houses on first day, the jalan raya with friends and blablabla.

pictures all at FB okay!

and now i just wonder how everything should flow.

and when one's presence becomes a dream.

but that's when dreams are not for the reality.

so maybe even with all the teases, it became immuned.

and even at times when we just look at each other, we knew it wont happen.

because we had bad experiences.

we just couldnt let go of what we feel was freedom now.

free of the world's burden.

free of being tied up.

free of the word relationship.

so through those stares we sit in quiet.

and when others made jokes, we laugh.

and we look at each other.

and it ended there.

the taste was like rock sugar with salted coffee.

it all ends up neutral.

oh maybe thats how i really feel, deeply.

and then theres pictures i just saw.

how talented you were in that jersey.

how your living condition was.

how lucky you were.

how charming can you be.

but you didnt have it all - not even at home.

and then after that was a lepak time.

even a second can change something.

what about a day?

why was i nervous?

and then we knew it all.

we shared, in a group.

and i guess as much as it hurts me, someone felt my hurt with somebody else too.

but we are busy. school, work, lepak. what else.

we're concern about whats ours.

and we are not ready to give it all out.

or maybe someday, somehow.

but you see, i cant expect it.

and there were people i thought i could hold on to.

person whom i thought i always look up for.

people who i thought i could always seek advice from.

people who are close to me when they dont have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

or maybe not at all.

because i dont know how to put across.

and i dont wanna be a burden.

i dont feel like i have to tell.

i dont want them to hear me ranting.

they/he/she are busy with what life caters for them.

and it's like it's unfair.

and if everyone keep asking the same question,

how am i to answer.

even farhan says he looked at me and he felt worried.

and im not even close to him.

okay whatthehell.

everyone have their own life aye?

so i stand up for mine.

so i live high, live mighty, live right.

I AM CONTENTED, mind you.
im just, tired.
and hopefully, i dont have to undergo surgery for my arm.

so reserved as i still am.
i will find a way out.

never wanted to hear

2009-09-23T14:18:00.003+08:00

when having everything doesnt make one satisfied.

then what else is there to crave for?

because searching doesnt seem futile.

and even the simplest thing became wild.

we take a roll back

2009-09-12T01:32:00.005+08:00

Thank God no supp paper & i've passed all modules!

Movies i've watched and counting.
1) Radit dan Jani.
2) Tentang Cinta.
3) 3 Hari untuk Selamanya.
4) Selalu untuk Selamanya.
5) Pesan dari Surga.
6) 30 Hari Mencari Cinta.
7) Realita, Cinta dan Rock & Roll.
8) Catatan Akhir Sekolah.
9) Bohsia.
10) Syurga Cinta.
11) Kontrak Cinta.
12) The Proposal.
13) Final Destination 4.
14) Dance Flick.

Vino G. Bastian

Outing with a few of workplace people.

time is a crucial factor when missing out in opportunities.

and then slowly, slowly, i just dont really know.

But now the current's pulling me down.

It's getting harder to breathe.

It wont be too long and i'm going under.

Can you save me from this?

'Cause it's not my time, i'm not going.

There's a fear in me and it's not showing.

This could be the end of me and everything i know.

Oh, but i wont go.

it's not my time - 3 doors down.

we are burning down the highway skyline

2009-09-04T23:08:00.011+08:00

so happy eighteenth to ownself.

thanks to fizah bestfriend for buka at her home and celebrate with her family.

thanks to the usual g-girls for movie and break fast at PH.

& all the beautiful presents. heee.

thanks to ifah and imran for karaoke and the pants.

& to ali and lukman for movie and KFC.

& fizah again for sleepover!

thanks to work mates of HD CS & HD TM for the present and card!
thanks to everyone for wishes, presents, sms, calls, fb tags and what nots.

actually right, being 18 no feeling lah.

i only want to get my diploma successsfully, be a good daughter, student, friend and employee.

and of course to be happy always. heehee.

aghhhhhhhh. this holiday is the first time im feeling draggy.

i think, deep down, something is amiss.

shucks.

& everything will became an issue.

i guess it all falls down to the word fatigue.

so let's take it easy, easy now watch it go!

can somebody save me?

2009-08-26T01:46:00.012+08:00

DIG THIS NEW SHIT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EXAMS ARE OVERRR!!!!

ESFAC was okay. i need 75 marks for main paper!
E MATHS 1 was awesome except for the last 2 questions.
CKT was errrrrrrrr. i BADLY NEED TO PASS this module.

Finally done studying everyday, no more smoking, no more sleepless nights, no more pulling of hair, no more fighting with friends over solutions, no more worked examples, no moreeee!

OKAY NOW I MUST THINK WHAT TO DO WITH MY HOLIDAYS.
heee. work, lepak & jogging are essentials!

off to celebrate last day of exam to break fast with poly mates.
then off to sheesha!
awesome lepak time to party!
and off to get Midnight Cookies&Cream from workplace!

celebrated Shazana and Nizar Happy 18th and 16th last Friday!

thanks to mama su and bik titi for cooking.

and lepak till night with monopoly and taiti.

HAPPY 18th SITI NUR SHAZANA!

best wishes for you, baby.

sayang kau many many many!

i look all around but look at what i've found.

and i bet,

the best have yet to come.

take a look at the time.

please let everything be fine.

i wish, i wish...

flying to nowhere

2009-08-17T00:52:00.005+08:00

yesssahhhhhhhhhh! recovered from my high fever. and my meds are all gone.

it was druggy man, to eat 16 pills per day and at the same time, i brought along 6 types of meds whereever i go.

but im still feeling the after-effects ey.

okay done with that.

did quite a few things this week but mostly are the usuals.

other than that, i actually have a lot to say.

alot to remind.

alot to question.

alot to think.

alot to cry for.

but who cares.

i think i need some kind of therapy.

i'm not gonna lose myself, and that's for sure.

all i wanted to say, all i wanted to do.
is fall apart now.
all i wanted to feel, i wanted to love.
is all my fault now.
one republic - mercy

i want to find a place so safe

2009-08-10T00:12:00.006+08:00

hey yaw.

OKAY TO BEGIN WITH, THANKS TO HILMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ive got my first birthday present already. hahaha.

sayang sama lu ah bro. lu manyak baik sama gua.

so i had a best berok outing with shazie and azil on TGIF.

we head down to arab st to get shazie's birthday presents and actually she's not supposed to follow lah! our plans all spoilt ey. and off to meet her back at tampines to shop again then thanks to faroz for sending me back home before going over to shazie's place for dinner.

off to lavender on saturday morning to collect passports!

and lastly to maths tuition and expo and BK TM.

talk about working on sunday morning as per usual, it was dreadful ey!

firstly, late to work!

secondly, very bad sore throat and cough!

thirdly, last night got breakage so topping cabinet need to clean thus no topping as alan threw it all away.

fourthly, no chocolate spinkles and the almond nibs and flakes are not roasted. thanks to yao fan - made me roast two packs of almonds.

fifthly, didnt eat for the whole period im working. aghhhh. shucks. stomach noisy.

sixthly,i'm sorry to everyone who asked me out on national day. i just cant go out. even ayah said i'm like ayam berak kapur. i was so sick lah.

seventhly, i cry, while watching the ndp parade. i miss npcc. miss npdp. miss everyone. miss mustaqim, miss shahid.

eighthly, theres donut empire for dinner!

ninthly,im debating with salihin about WWE. my goodness. i wanna five start frog splash tu anak!

tenthly,im wondering when to watch the drag me to hell DVD.

last but not least. EXAMS ARE COMING. walaowe.

and thus, all this is your fault because you did that decision.

it's because of you, i fear the consequences.

it's because of you, i detest certain things.

it's because of you, i wonder much.

i thought i told you from the very beginning, how it should be.

you're just too gullible, too egoistic, too pretending.

i'll leave when the wind blows

2009-08-05T23:06:00.005+08:00

I WANT ALL CHICKY MEAL SPONGEBOB TOYS, CAN?

study sessions, bitch-about, eat, drink. what else is new?

fagging my ass off for main semestral exams yaw!

full marks for esfac lab! fuhhhyoooo.

can i have straight hair for Raya?
haha.
oh this is so last two years, with shazie making my hair for Graduation Night.
how i miss being so young and carefree.

and myself and yan studied at workplace on monday night.

followed along with a mini celebration for Viona's Belated Birthday at Workplace.
heavenly cheesecake! thanks to Alan Tan!

then off to Mama's house for the kenduri on Sunday.
i got a new cousin name Muhammad Shawifi.
and let's just say it's a tired day!

and what else am i to say.

when you've decided what to do.

what else is there for me to stay.

when im done with eveything thats got to do with you.

passion in my eyes, i lived it everyday.

2009-08-02T00:20:00.008+08:00

I WANT TO GO BACKPACKING AND GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE.
too cool for school.

we are already kicking ass on CKT, MATHS and ESFAC.
how cool is that. hah.

31st July 2009.
marks your 20th Birthday.
it's a been a year and 2 months since you're gone now.
how i wish you're still alive, still here to accompany me before i go to bed, still here to talk to me even when you're at camp in your bunk bed, still here to entertain me with your silly jokes, still here to sms me every morning weekday when i'm in school, still here to be present in my life.
and as time goes by, it seems like it was just yesterday when you left the world behind you.
i hope, someday, we'll meet again.
meanwhile, take good care alright.
& as usual, i miss you Lolok!

speaking of which,
Condolences to Arwah Cikgu Sulastri (on Wednesday) and Arwah Tok Junjun(Saturday).
why must i face with deaths every year?

HELLO MARINA BARRAGE!
what a well spent Wednesday!

any more pictures will be at my facebook jyeah.

Next time i dont wanna work on Friday.
Firstly, i see people i dont wanna see, i see things people have been keeping from me.
goddamnit. for goodness sake. why cant you just stay true and tell me the truth?!
it's not like i cant take it. i've been far worst than that.
Secondly, got too many customers to handle with only me & Alan.
then roland hafta come. sucha bitch.
workmates, PLEASE DO MEMORISE the mooncake menu and promotions k!
and then one by one those faggot kia customers come and go.
i have a INDIAN customer who wants to buy 2 pints of Macadamia Nut and bring it to INDIA. i asked him is it was Little India. he said NO. i want to pack pack icecream after this go home then go India. i replied him and said you mean fly fly, take aeroplane, overseas India country? he answered YES! and he cannot take it when i said my dry ice can last for only 45mins to 1 hour. asshole. okay i'm not tryna be racist here but he just cant get my point and my floor is full house and my kitchen berterabur and there's also takeaway customers. and i feel silly when i keep apologising to these unreasonable customers.
I WANT TO QUIT HAAGEN DAZS!

not to forget,
HAPPY 53th Birthday, Ayah!

picture at rumah wak na pe. hahaha!

Celakanya
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar aku tunggu
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar memahamiku
Kau pergi dah hilang ke mana pun kau suka
Celakanya
Hanya kaulah yang pantas untuk ku banggakan
Hanya kaulah yang sanggup untuk ku andalkan
Diantara pedih aku selalu menantimu
sheila on 7 - seberapa pantaskah.

feels like i'm drifting apart from the many important people in my life.
and it's a feeling i wanna ditch.
and yes, i would love a happier life for my own. who doesnt?

i do it well

2009-07-26T23:40:00.004+08:00

when you cant study at pasir ris, you play poker people!

i have cool friends. do you? hah.

library!

aik aik, IKEA BAYBEH!

this is when you hafta pack alot of fondue balls at workplace, get your whole body the smell of rich expensive icecream & get tired of it.
gedik2 seh! hahaha.

when there is 2 dining tables only, WHAT DO YOU DO?
you take pictures. :)

okay, thanks for fetching me from work & having a sumptuous dinner, mates!
much love, X0X0.

that's all folks.

okay wait. i swear. who the fuck gave my number to any other china man, bangla man, matreps who wants me to follow them go pit, or whoever lah okay. STOP IT SIAHHHHHHHHHH. really. you gotta have a life ey. you're pissing me off, asshole. i feel like punching my knuckles on you, slapping you face with my right palm & bashing you like one big ass bitch. so stay away from me will you? it has been going on for the past 2 months. you have any problems with me, please do say it in my face. dont be such a faggot kia & do nonsensical stuffs. get that inside your head ey!

for Dear Fizah Bestfriend : hurry up love & let's ton the night out! aku lama pe tunggu. masing2 busy! padehal skola sama. ape dah. dont get the blood up my brain can? hehehe. STAY FOCUS DEAR. sayang kau love!

for Amalina Amahaha : babe, I FEEL YOU. ceh. macam paham eh. but seriously. life hafta go on. no matter what ey! i think you're stronger than ever alright. you did your actions because of the situations & circumstances, darling. you should know that every choice have its consequences. there you go, along with that decision in your life. i just hope everythings gonna be alright. dont care about what people think. see it as how you wanna view it. from there, get all the possibilities & positivities. every time you fall, you gotta pull yourself up again, like never before. trust me, you're gonna lead a good life ahead, insyaAllah.

& please, i hate your guts, boy. i really do. i hate our pictures definitely. but i really hate it when you say sorry. really. go away lah okay.

here today

2009-07-22T23:45:00.005+08:00

it took you 5 hours.
but it took me 5 weeks.
u stole what you said was ours.
so it was something i had to seek.
then i had to have my 2 minutes.
to throw it all away.
i knew i have to break all of it.
because only the truth shall stay.
YOU KNOW WHAT; YOU'VE LOST THIS GAME.

tha karaoke session with poly mates was really great ey!

thanks to Sufian for these possible pictures!

Finally, a picture of my small Santur mountain bike!
really have to furnish it man.
i mean it, REALLY!
I CAN IMAGINE ITS RED BODY, RED BELL, NEW HANDLEBAR. WHAT ELSE!!!!!!!!
budget : $50!

ups and downs for me to turn it all around. i guess shit do happen sometimes no matter how good life is. then it comes down to how much is too much for me to take? and what's left to salvage as well. but it doesnt matter at times when ignorant filled me. even with much pondering and consideration, i still cannot live it up to that high. and this is to my obligatory position to rescue oneself from plunging deeper. and to a truly image, i do. i'm still trying, i must say. time to heal and people to keep. my choices have finally shown its consequences. and i'm sure glad it did. i owe nothing to anybody, especially to you. so long and goodbye now. because i'd rather do without and hold a smile.

before too late

2009-07-19T23:55:00.006+08:00

I NEED A MIND REHABILITATION.

finally done with Madrasah exams!
2 thumbs up, i hope to maintain my Number 1 position.
but with me writing crap on those papers, i shall just see how it's going ey.

meet up with Dear Firah on Sunday!
even though it was short, it was sweet.
she's happy about the nail polish eh!
& i surprised her on Thursday night as well, me going down to Pasir Ris and getting lost at fishing pond and all.

had to go to workplace and visit Viona!
had a good talk with her.
oh, she's sucha bitch.
i love my supervisor anyway! heh.

and went over to Mustaqim's place to hand over his present.
okay that guy kopet2 then open the door.
call him like !@#$%^&*() but didnt pick up because he was busy sleeping!
damn you lah. hahaha.

I WANT THIS YELLOW BIKE, CAN?
OLD SCHOOL. nyehehe.
okay the puma one is nicer, but its 3000 bucks, mind you.
might as well keep that money for 125z! HAHA.

anyways, I REALLY NEED TO RESPRAY MY BIKE!
i want it to be pretty but hardcore lah. than can bring it anywhere. because it's nice already ey!
so i need to think of a design.
i need a RED LOCENG! what is loceng in English anyway? i need to kilatkan the bike? okay crap.
i dont need new handlebars, my break is okay. what else ahhhhh! hahaha.
OFF TO D.I.Y. shop ASAP ey!
RED COLOUR IS A MUST! so really hafta meet Amalina and we can get it done once and for all.
that means cash to spend - again! aghhhhhhhh.
but nevermind, the thought of meeting amalina - like meeting a ex-boyfriend for a catch-up!
irony right. but who cares! hahaha. she's a great babe ey.

& oh, i really miss Michelle Sitoh lah!
who tell u to be sick!
den didnt meet up with farhan & zuhairi ey.
aku sayang kau many2 lah sitoh.
please dont eat KFC with me again, dats all i ask for. :)

5th week of school and memories still so intact.
and until now, still so clear.
i want to not say i miss you in fact.
but i still do fear.
you come unexpectedly, you did your thing.
you etched something deeply, you bring me in.
but you wont talk, you shut me down.
and as far away you walk, you left no sound.
not fair, not fair at all at how you made me fall.
& i'm wondering,
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SORRY FOR!
when i can sense that you're not sorry at all...

I WANT TO TURN BACK TIME.
then maybe i will be much more happier.

I NEED A NEW STOMACH.
that damned gastric is killing me softly.
well well, what can i say!?

if i could have one wish

2009-07-17T00:29:00.011+08:00

people always take things for granted. why? because they are lucky i guess. they have almost everything in life. & these people should be grateful with what they own. not every individual is lucky you see. i might not have the things & people i need most right now, but i guess life goes on with or without my wants or needs. i'm just glad that i dont take things for granted. so people of love, what you have is not for your to fret. cherish it as much as you can, because you will never know when its gonna be taken away from you.
& i remember when He took your life away.

let these pictures speak for themselves.

Thanks to Darling Shazie for fetching me up after work!
Then off for dinner @ LJS!
OH MY, FIRST TIME she said my hair not stress!

& this week in school.

& of course this makcik hafta break her fast. haha.

last minute lepak at downtown maccafe.
oh gosh, ramai matreps.
all my clan. hahaha!

when studying gets me craaaazyyyyy!

let's just say,
i'm tired of everything. every single thing.
& the only place i run to almost everyday is block belakang till night.

i read back my diary & i saw something i wrote before.
guess who is it for?

semakin lama, semakin renggang.
semakin lupa, semakin sedih, semakin hiba.
semakin menanggung rindu di hati.
sayang ini tidak berbelah bagi.
semakin mungkar semua janji.
semakin berputar fikiranku.
semakin sayang ingin beku.
semakin sukar bertemu.
apatah lagi meluangkan waktu.
semakin diam diberi.
semakin sayang tiada balas erti.
semakan tak sehati,
semakin sepi dirasai.
aku meratapi hari demi hari.
aku tak ingin menanti.
kerana semakin hari semakin tiada harapan lagi.

so why havent i, oh why cant i still forget you no matter how much i try?

when will i see your face again? - jamie scott and the town.

goodnight, goodnight

2009-07-12T01:35:00.006+08:00

damn you.

kick away your inside alter ego, dude.
dont feel intimidated, dont feel insecure.
i dont think we did start any feud.
but now things are not as before.
why & why did you do this?
does it seem that you're done here?
oh tell me, tell me please.
what is it that you fear?
i dont want your sorry or your sympathy.
all i need is a friend.
but the words you said lingers around me,
i feel that it's the end.
if you think you're not the one.
then you must be wrong.
because i want you to be someone.
in my life all along.
so try as hard as i might.
it feels like i cant anymore.
because of you i'm willing to fight.
but my heart is beginning to sore.
now you got to go away,
i detest your words, actions & everything.
i dont think it's best if you stay.
it's just too much to take, too much to think.

Monday was all set out for IWD's presentation.
The dread came when we missed out one important feature & that teacher wasnt happy with what we did!
So we went out, the boys took a smoke break & gosh. let's just say everything didnt end up well at all.
But who cares, i had a great time with these people doing this project! heh.

Talk about Tuesday with my favourite B-boys!
Kinda last minute but i definitely had fun fun fun with them around!
& of course i miss having you boys company in my life.
Korang must stay together okay.
Aku definitely sayang korang many2!

Wednesday and done with Wrtoral's powerpoint slides.
The girls kept me laughing & i bumped into Fana.
After which my B-boys came to have early dinner at Macd Maccafe Tamp once again!
so it's a two days straight with the boys & im super duper happy! heh.

Finally Thursday came to end 2nd presentation of the week!
We got a B+, something im quite satisfied of! yeay!
Followed along with meet-up with Dear Bestfriend!
Glad to see you dear. Next week ton ah! :)

& of course, Friday had to come to have a wonder times with Rin & Azil.
Rin was really freaky that day!
She influenced me & Azil freaked out! hahaha.
Thanks for fetching me in school!

Am done with Sejarah, Arab & Hadith exams for Saturday's madrasah.
Cant wait for next week to end it all!
& off to meet Sufian to kick ass on Engineering Maths.
He sure made my day.
Long hours ey till we hafta wait till the rain stops. But it didnt.

Dang, such a damnit hectic school life.
& im working as per usual later in the morning.
& everyday im feeling tired.
sigh.

once, twice, thrice

2009-07-06T00:33:00.004+08:00

vast experiences led me to many circumstances.
it made me learned.
sometimes, it's hard to bear the consequences.
but it's a feeling i've always yearned.

i hate it when i always appear optimistic.
especially infront of others.
that i often delude & deny my ownself.
i hate it when i always advice others.
but i couldnt put the same for myself.
i hate it, i hate it.

& a song to end today.

seventeen is just a test.
yeah and i would recommend.
that you live with no regrets.
and even if it seems.

like the world was crushing on you.
you shouldnt let it hold you down.
shouldnt hold you back.
oh no.
oh no.

the red jumpsuit apparatus - seventeen aint so sweet.

& you know what, eighteen is still the same. just that im damnit stronger.

slowdance on the inside

2009-07-04T23:44:00.007+08:00

come back to me - david cook.

i kept myself busy.
just to find you missing.
i kept myself empty.
but my insides are screaming.

My weeknights was well spent of course!
From the eat-out & shopping with Sufian.
To the lepak & taiti & coffee with Hani.
Alongside doing project with Zahrin, Iqbal & Shak. & off to meet Azillah & Syafiqah.
Then the karaoke session with Suhendi & Aishah.
Followed along with meeting Azillah again, Anesa, Ifah, Imran & Hisham!

some of the pictures.

congrats to abang iwan for his engagement!
sorry i didnt attend because of madrasah's exam

i dont know where i crossed the line

2009-07-01T23:38:00.004+08:00

so who cares anyway?

fatigue.

please dont stop the rain - james morrison.

either way, i lose. you get it?

have to do

2009-06-28T23:48:00.005+08:00

awesomely,i drugged myself at work.

watch the sunrise,
say your goodbyes, off you go.
some conversation,
no contemplation, hit the road.
secret - maroon 5.

doesnt this verse in this song fits you well, dude?

i drank 7 shots of coffee.
& i still cant forget what you said & did.
maybe it was a mistake right from the very start.
thank you, for finishing up that space during holidays.
other than that, you left me with better than nothing.
i hope you're reading this.
because after what happened,
i cant seem to care.
i cant seem to feel.
i cant seem to think.
you left me numb, once again.
so you always said that's what friends are for right?
& thanks, for being "that friend".
or maybe it was my fault.
because i tend to believe people too much.
for i hold on to that glimpse of hope.
you jolly well know what happened to me,
in the past & especially everything else.
yet you had to be the other one,
to make the whole thing worst than ever.
you just added yourself to that blacklist.
you said you're not like others.
but i bet you deceived both of us.
if you didnt see it coming.
please, take back the hope that you had given me once.
so if you dont mind,
you can go away, far far away.
cause if you want to stay,
you better do better than that.

& this song keeps coming to my head...
where did i go wrong, i lost a friend.
somewhere along in the bitterness.
& i would have stayed up, with you all night.
had i known how to save a life.
how to save a life - the fray.

i havent lost you, but it feels like i just did, i just did, you know.

you & your ego

2009-06-27T00:02:00.004+08:00

James Morrison - If The Rain Must Fall.

Oh life can be strange.
Good and bad in so many ways.
And in time you will find.
That things are not always what they seem.

Well I've got something to say.
But you might laugh, joke or run away.
Coz I'm awkward and nervous.
Sometimes I don't say much at all.

But if the rain must fall.
If I lose it all.
If the world comes down and takes my soul.
If the sky turns black.
And there's no no way back.
It won't matter much to me.
If I had you.
All I need is your love.
That's all I need.
All I need is your love.

Oh well dreams can come true .
if you know inside you really want them to.
or you can sit you can wait.
You can leave your fate in someone else's hands.
Oh but I, I want you.
And nothing else can make me feel the way you do.
So I'm waiting, I'm wishing.
That it's me you'll be holding tonight and every night.

i'm still holiday mode.
& i've been going out everyday after school.
& it's taking its toll on me as well.

& oh yes, the G-Girls meet up on Wednesday was fun!
FINALLY, ALL SIX COULD MAKE IT!
but sadly, no pictures taken.
i guess everyone was busy with layan-ing me leh. haha.

& of course, the much expected Transformers is OUUUUUUTTTTTTTTT in the cinemas!
sadly, sham & firdaus couldnt make it last minute.
but i still do have syed ammar & danial aziz!
anyways, congrats bro, kau dah kluarkan motor.
baik pe rxz, next year kita gi racing nak nak? hahaha.
& danial was off to Rebel for club.
okay, after my birthday, i join lah oke? heehee.

& to this favourite matrep of mine,
please dont dont worry so much aye?
you got a whole life ahead of you, im sure theres many things you need to do.
you gotta be strong & pull yourself together tau!
you know i'm your rehab centre counsellor right. hehe.
you & your words - forever make my day. hahaha!
& congrats for your finished attachment, very proud of you!

go away, if there's nothing much for you to say.
all i want is one more day, it's all i need.
one more day with you.

too down

2009-06-24T23:58:00.003+08:00

you know what i wanna do right now?

i feel like going away from this bustling city, back-packing to another country, enjoy good food & just let myself go wherever my legs take me to with a peaceful mind.

i dont wanna think of the reasons, the consequences, the preaches, the advices, the everything of anything.

it's beyond me

2009-06-23T19:17:00.006+08:00

Speak, speak your mind.
You're always telling me I need to open mine.
And wait, wait your turn.
Then shut me out cause you've got nothing left to learn.

Oh, you say there's nothing wrong with being proud.
So tell me what you love and say it loud.
Now here's the dose that you've been dishing out.
If you're listening this is how much it hurts.
If you're listening this is how much it hurts.

Oh, I'm wrong. I'm wrong again.
But not because of where I stand but where I've been.
And it burns.
Oh, you know it burns like hell.
To know there's nothing I can do but wish you well.
john mayer - how much it hurts.

first day of school & all is swell ey!
& of course, mondays are the best cause school is only 1-5pm.
nevertheless, it's all about updating, learning & having fun!

& thanks to hani for that important things we need to settle that day!
it's been greaaaaaat!

it's scary if history were to repeat itself.
it's terrible when i cant even trust myself.
it's not fair when you keep to yourself.
it's bad when we try to judge ourselves.

so goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.
hope that things will get alright, yeah.

bayangkan bila ku terbang

2009-06-22T00:32:00.008+08:00

Picture, you're the queen of everything.
As far as the eye can see, under your command.
I will be your guardian, when all is crumbling.
I'll steady your hand.

You can never say never.
While we dont know when.
But time, time & time again.
Younger now than we were before.
the fray - never say never.

i had a pretty much hectic week i must say!

errrrrr. firstly, i hateeeee people who pai tao-ed me can?
so auditions of music vox was one thing.
then another one too.
& i was out with Rin till night.

of course i had much fun with the kids till night the next day.
must bring abang qamarul quack quack ah next time! heehee.

i

wednesday was a small gathering between us four!
i had blardy blader problems or what!
but im glad everyone could make it though.
& i bumped into fana! ( & this guy together with her )
hahaha. she saw me with my dirty work uniform.
& thanks mat, cause he bought shuttlecocks for me & we had a fun time with badminton!

& finally the awaited HD CS OUTING!
but it was a waste that Rin & Izham couldnt make it though!

katherine!!!

& of course, the usuals favourite colleagues.
oh my irsyad!
you look so hot, just like the best matrep ever!
biasa juga lah kan! anak iskandar pe, nama abang aku. haha!

after which got this freaky two guys called me up,
& they know alot about me.
& i knew NOTHING about them.
& they used lutfi's name.
why?
i'm done with people stalking & chasing me okay?
i mean i'm not famous or what.
i just dont wanna be recognize for the bad things i've done.
& please dudes, dont pass my number around.
how irritating can you people be?
so is there anyone to protect me?

not forgetting,
Happy 20th Birthday, Ifah!
happy for this kakak2 20 sen that just got her driving license!

& of course, Sunday, the last day of school hols is well spent at work!
alongside after that too.

sleepless night, bleach that light.
not to weep but hard to keep.
strong but yet still so fragile.
i'll let it linger, for a while.
i'm giving 6 months, as days goes on.
i'm starting to let it dry.
& if i still wont have it, then it's gone.
i hope you please, do try.
sumpah aku had enough.
& aku takot nak mampos.

oh gastric, oh gastric.
janganlah kau melampau.

SCHOOL STARTS TODAY!
like finally, some things to get my mind off other unnecessary things.

hold on to your kite

2009-06-15T00:47:00.006+08:00

i'm not saying it was your fault.
although you could have done more.
well, you're so naive yet so.
the kooks - naive.

i had a pretty wonderful friday evening yet again!
but some fugly things had to happen though.

alas! finally got to meet up with this dearest girlfriend of mine, ifah!
& had supper with fellow work mates.

so let's just say...
im looking forward.

& i slowly take it away.
i dont want it to stay.
& as much as i want to say.
oh please, go go away.

i wanna

2009-06-11T23:57:00.007+08:00

back on a wild ride man!
hahaha.
what does that mean?
that means im tired, with no good reason.

had to jam & my voice a bit croaky due to a bad cough.
eat-out with Rin & Aishah & a pretty last minute shop-about.
caught up with Nizam Blur on monday night.
thanks dude, for one of those best talk-about where i kept ranting on & on.

then off to meet Fizah bestfriend after a hell's work at TM outlet on wed.
woah, i damn missed her or what!
she's like that sugary apple pie on crispy crust with some peach milkshake man. hahaha.
i had a gooooooooood time with her & i expected MORE! nyahaha.
so had to cancelled accompanying Nizam Blur to watch hockey match at his hometown.

which leaves me for just now where i had an abrupt meet-up with bestie Danial Aziz!
hah, since he ended school really early, we decided to chill out.
& he is like the best bitch-about & shopping buddy!
thanks for the great afternoon, dan!
cant wait for Transformers to launch on to the cinemas!
cos im going with my B-Boys to watch it ey!

& that Nizam Blur is good in shooting throws man!
i sucked. hah.
let's have a brand new challenge, dude!
then we can see, who really lose okeh?
then we can really catch a good movie.
& we kept getting lost.
which is so funny!
i cant wait for more outings with you!

so, i miss shak & zahrin lah. haiya.

so long people!
i cant wait for tmr's picnic with the G-Girls again!

happiness

2009-06-08T02:08:00.005+08:00

quality time spent with my G-Girls of course last Friday for a small gathering.
got enough time to went to Shazie's house i goreng the roti telur for the picnic. must meet many many more okay baby! heehee. cant wait for the next picnic, beautiful girls!

too bad, Rin couldnt make it due to Worldskills training.
no sweat dok, this week kau mai lai! hahaha.

then i met up with Azil & Rin to shop around for a while.
thanks girls, for a wonderful time together!

working FULL SHIFT was well, kinda wierd.
kepala otak aku bengang tau inside a mall for like 13 hours straight.

after which a short meet up with Nizam Blur!
that's what i call him.
& he very selenge, i tell you.
he must book in at 23.59 then ended up we finished eating by 11.55!
blah blah blah, he decided to go home.
& he already brought along his damn heavy bag that can clip onto his body.
you know, like primary school bag. hahaha!
serves you right, military police boy, for being very degil.
thanks for the iced milo & a ride homeeeeee!
cant wait to see you again next weeeek!

gonna update again!
it's gonna be a packed holidays man!
i have so many activities ahead.
chao!

so close

2009-06-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

DIG THIS SHIT, PEOPLE OF LOVE.
TERM TESTS ARE OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
for goodness sake, let's just say smoking is over too! hahaha.

so FINALLY, hani went to madrasah on last saturday!
semoga kau selalu bahagia dgn IDIOT kau!
& aku love kau many2 itsy-bitsy!

after the everyday reaching home at 11pm - 12am due to study groups, i feel like going home even later than usual everyday man! :)
& of course, the after-effects of less sleep is haunting me down.

those best people to chiong studies with!
many thanks to ZULRAIHAN, for helping myself, hafeez & sufian alot for CKT.
sayang sama lu ah zul!

all i can say is, A PASSING GRADE for all modules.
& of course, i really need to jog my ass up with every modules as semestral exams are nearing!!!

nevertheless, a short meet-up with ITE mates really made my day!
i actually got the time to eat that damned nasi lemak & mexican spicy chicken which i have been dreaming of for the last 7 weeks since Poly started!

& things have changed so much, since im gone from ITE.
been hearing the bad things, people breaking friendships, selfish people, fucktards.
why cant you people be like last time when i was there?
one thing for sure - WA SAYANG SAMA WA PUNYA B-BOYS!!!

the best yoghurt icecream ever dok!!!

I miss hearing your laughter
All the little things
Forgotten what it's like to hold you
Cuz where I am right now
So unforgiving
It's numbing everything

part of chorus of Hoobastank's So Close, So Far.

i wanted to help you so much.
but then, given the situation right now, i cant.
i cant stop you.
i cant right you.
i cant bleach you.
so, let's just see how long you will last.
someday, you might understand.
when you're older.
it's so ironic - you with that face & you with that attitude.
you really taught me what's it's like.
to not judge a book by its cover.
it have been nice.
but something dont always last forever, you see.

we are the only ones

2009-05-30T01:02:00.007+08:00

the girl with her all-time sugar rush period.
as quoted by suniya.

Here, a little jealousy, I hope you think of me.
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night.
Cause I feel like I'm inside out.
You got me upside down.
Maybe I was holding on too tight.

Even if I wanted to.
I don't think that I'd get to you.
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again.

So don't you say goodbye to me.
Just turn your back away and leave.
And if you're lucky, I will be your last regret, your only friend.

adaptation from Inside Out by YellowCard for Music Vox Audition.
& the best thing is, it really describes that someone right now in my life.

last minute meet up with Firah & Azil on Friday.
the girls are a bunch of noisy stuffs man!
bumped into Firdaus for awhile, where we fought & he made my hand bleed.
bloody faggot kia punya Aus! hahaha.

things to note:
1) TERM TESTS COMING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's starting tomorrow.
2) ELF Training on 6th & 8th June.
3) MUSIC VOX AUDITION @ TP.
4) WORK! WORK! WORK!
5) Outings with my B-boys & G-girls!!!
6) A trip to Zoo or Sentosa or anywhere with fellow classmates.

note to self : CHIONG ALL THE WAY AH!!! hahaha. i love to self-motivate myself. i mean, WHY NOT lah kan!

to forgo is a maybe.
to avoid is best.
but then consequences made me see.
that the best is less.

all the

2009-05-23T22:35:00.003+08:00

DIG THIS, PEOPLE! KRIS ALLEN WON!!! hahaha.
he is so gonna replace Mraz in my heart, baby.
but then, Mraz is first love.
oh wait, i like Jonathan Togo as well from CSI Miami.
shitto - 3-in-1. hot or what! :)

blahblahblah.
meet-up with the girls as usual on wednesday.
& had a quick study with my all-time-favourite-female-drug a.k.a shak!

3 people i wanna say thanks to :

had a movie with aus paus maus haus!
awwww man.
he was the scandal of the day. hahaha.
take good care of your girlfriend dok.
next time tgk Transformers dgn budak2 ITE okay baby!
thanks for everything darling.

next up was syafiq. he sent me to madrasah with his family car!

lastly was off to fetch haziq so he could teach me maths on saturday.
thanks many2 small boy!
he could restrain himself for 10 mins! hahaha.
more records to break baby.

history is not to repeat itself.
when i cant even convince myself.
you take a look at ourselves.
& the thing is, you cant figure it out yourself.