Viona & Myself.

Sufian!

workplace is closing down tomorrow.

30th April 2010.

who would have known the time have finally come and it certainly is saddening.

2 and a half years gone just like that.

and im left with 3 options.

1) Work and slog my ass of at TM.

2) Transfer myself to Haagen Dazs Hilton.

3) Quit, get a new job, start afresh.

and each one of this contains risks i cant hold.

i always thought i was stronger.
infact i see myself as someone who can take many things in one flight.
but i see my energy draining away sometimes i couldnt regain it back.
who would have known that loving you is like an energy?
when we're out of our league, my energy burst away.
when we're deeply together, you make me high inside.
& at all times, it should be about learning, giving, taking and of course, loving.
but time is an issue.
an issue that we can never control.
like what you said, different paths of ours, the situations, commitments.
so what? are we gonna give it up?
or are we gonna give it a go?
we are far from having this dream of ours.
its far enough to make me want to stop dreaming.
and in some ways it hurts.
but im tired of searching when ive found you.
6 months going good and maybe if there is, 6 years.
and some nights, i want to make it without you.
and if i could, and i know i can, i would like to fall in love with you again.
& i thank Allah for everything he have given me.

where do i start?

the first week of school had been heart wrenching, happy, disappointment, hectic and sweet all at once.

school just started and oh no, double6 is like abit off parted!

but then like always, after school activities was fun!

and as usual, Jamal made my week when we went out on Friday!

and i cried my eyes out on Sunday, which seems like the last day of work in Haagen Dazs.

and i miss my bestfriend very much!

we all want something else, we all want something we can't have.
but sometimes, i'm sure of what i want.
at other times, everything comes like a fuzzy blur.
trust me, it always left me insecure.
insecure about my job, my plans, my feelings, my doubts.
sometimes, i wish i could be in control of these things.
but then we all can't have it all.
i wonder if what i'm doing is not enough for the other party.
i wonder if i'm asking too much from anybody.
i wonder if i could be in someone's else shoes and feel him/her.
we all wonder, we all wish we could give it another try.
but then little did we know, we are not Heroes.
we dont do tv shows and lead an abnormal life.
i don't. so do you.

i fret not knowing the truth.
but sometimes yet again, not knowing could be better.
while knowing gets you off your head when you need to overcome it.
knowing means you need to deal with it.
deal with the feelings and the consequences of your actions, or usually, someone's else actions.
knowing means it puts you in a spot.
i wish i could ravish on a fine spot to release my thoughts.
i don't know how to say.

this is called knowing, but speechless.
even a word, any word, doesn't seem to acknowledge your symphony of disappointment, or even sadness.
but then speechless doesn't mean you can't feel anything.
i just realised just now that i could cry in public, i mean like a crowded place, like Orchard.
i admit my vulnerability, in circumstances like this.
it shows how much sometimes you don't trust me and my capacity of emotions.
but what am i to say when things have happened?
oh we all know for sure that i am strong enough.
i brush away and at that point of time, i just couldn't expect anything from you at all.
i may not be prepared but then someday maybe.

and when we think what we done is enough, we all need to think again.
we always need to adjust to impromptu events.
we can't always be dependent on what we have.
what if we lose it suddenly?
that's when readiness and willingness to accept comes to reality.
we don't live in fairytales.
not everything turns out just like how perfect we want it to be.
not everything is a happy ending.
we need to keep on improving, learning and best of all, permit to our mistakes.
that is the journey of success.

hopefully someday when everything is in good condition,
when i get all the fullest support,
when i am ready for a battle,
when i can run faster than my current speed,
when my heartbeat doesn't fake me,
when my actions are of righteous,
i might be the happiest lady as to date.

but then sometimes i think, i'm still too young.
and then, there's always a "sometimes" to ask for.

Stranded in this spooky town

Stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down

This floor is crackling cold, she took my heart, i think she took my soul

With the moon i run far from the carnage of the fiery sun

Driven up by the strangle of vein, showing no mercy i do it again

Open up your eye,you keep on crying baby, i'll bleed you dry

Skies they blink at me, i see a storm bubbling up from the sea

And it's coming closer

You shimmy shook my bone, leaving me stranded all in love on my own

Do you think of me? Where am i now? Baby where do i sleep?

Feel so good but i'm old, 2000 years of chasing taking its toll

And it's coming closer

Kings of Leon - Closer.

would you still be the same person i used to know?

would you still be there for me in terms of need in time to come?

would you still assure me with your love and care?

would you still carress my head when i need some physical touch?

would you still accept me for who i am?

would you still sacrifice and meet me halfway in agreements?

would you?

whats the definition of wrong?
like what shak always say, HOLY GUACAMOLE!
2 weeks and school is starting!

Viona & Cassandra Farewell Meet-up!

Poly Mates Out!

i actually have more outings but its okay as i've been slogging my ass out for work at both HD CSQ and HD Hilton.

trust me, i was elated and shocked when Kak Yani wants me to transfer to HD Hilton.

I ENJOY WORKING THERE. i really do. even if its blardy bitch tiring.

its the experience i guess. the customers, the people.

IF sufian or irsyad is working at there(or maybe there are malay boys or girls working there too), MAYBE i might consider transferring. :)

i saw the handover just now. tell me why i must be crying. it hurts, quite alot.

to see everything, every corner, every person not feeling, not being like what we used to when the shop was doing better.

how much is it gonna suffer? and who are we to stop this enduring?

and i asked myself, how much have i learnt from here? what have i gained?

what have i achieved? who have i trust?

and it all boils down to 3 ways.

give it up, work it out or stay put. and neither way is on my side right now.

oh God, give me the strength to carry on with the best way out of this.

and i guess life is complete with all the good people around. it really do.

Bestfriend's departure to Vietnam today.

2 mths without you my dear.

please take good care!

& HURRY COME BACK WILL YOU, FIZAHHHHH!!!???

I MISS YOU ALREADY!!!

" He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there is always one guy that is perfect for you. "

i cant tell you how much your presence have been a wonder.

you're like a saviour, a guardian angel, the best male friend.

but i cant expect much, not now.

maybe someday, somehow.

& for how long as i can hold, i will.